On the Menu for This Week’s Scandal: Death Threats, Pork Roast & 76-Year-Old Scotch

We all needed a drink after last night's episode.

Let’s start with the worst move of the night: Cyrus did the deed with sex worker and Portia di Rossi operative Michael. (I promise, I’ll learn Portia Di Rossi’s character’s name next week.)

First, Cyrus runs into him while he’s at a restaurant waiting for some business school friends. (He’s using his prostitution earnings to pay tuition.) Then he calls Cyrus at work and they have a flirty convo. Then they end up at a bar.

“You’re thirsty, but you don’t want a drink,” says Michael.

“I don’t pay for sex,” says Cyrus.

“You wouldn’t be paying for sex. You’d be paying for privacy,” replies Michael.

Next thing you know, Cyrus is in a hotel room handing over a $2,500 stack plus gratuities for services and Portia Di Rossi is smiling over a plot well laid. (Ha!)

We also pick up where President Fitz left off last week, pressing for gun control. The Elliot Gun Control Act is facing the 4th circuit court. Of the three judges on the panel, the administration is depending on Judge Sparks, the swing vote. Our new AG David Rosen is going to try this case but after facing Judge Sparks, it doesn’t look good.

“If I don’t get to be a soccer dad in Vermont, I need this to be worth something,” explodes Fitz. “I need a jerk to not be able to buy an AK-47 and shoot up a school.

“I’m sure you did your best. But these gun people. Our best isn’t good enough anymore. Thank you Rosen. I appreciate the effort. That will be all.”

And with that and a swig of  Scotch, Rosen is sent on his way. He goes directly to his files and, oh snap, turns out the judge killed a girl in 1992 with his car after running up a bar tab and the records were thought to be wiped clean. Faced with the info, the gun control law gets through the courts. But we learn shortly after all the celebrating that Judge Sparks killed himself after the verdict.

Back at the White House, everyone is obsessed with what the media is calling the “Killer Cliff Bride.” A woman was caught on amateur video seemingly pushing her new hubby off a cliff in Yosemite. The case has got Mellie’s attention and seems to be bringing her back to life, much to Fitz’s delight. Press Sec Abby (or “Gabby” as the President insists on calling her) tries to warn Fitz.

“Give her what she wants!” he hollers.

So Mellie organizes a high-level meeting with bigwigs from NASA and the FBI and presents these elaborate charts and documents only to find out that two witnesses had come forward that morning, confirmed that the bride is not, in fact, a killer, and the case is closed. All Mellie’s work down the drain. And she’s embarrassed on top of that. Abby jumps in to take her away to “another meeting” and when we last see the First Lady, she’s curled up on the couch again.

If there is one good outcome from all this, it’s the improved relationship between Abby and Fitz. She accepts an invitation to the Oval Office for a glass of 76-year-old scotch, what she calls the second best in the world. She knows what the best is and how to get it. “I’ll call the Queen to have some sent over,” she says.

With that, Fitz offers an apology for yelling at her and appreciates “the sensitivity she’s shown the First Lady.”

“You owe me an apology for not bothering to learn my name,” she says. “I’m Abby. Abby Whelan. I’m Scottish, by the way.” Go Abby!