NOT Harry and Louise

It’s time again for our installment of NOT Harry and Louise, our advice column where we answer the questions submitted to Washingtonian’s Harry Jaffe and his wife, Louise. We’re not exactly qualified to give advice, but if Harry and Louise are qualified, then so are we. So, this week, it’s a very special edition of NOT Harry and Louise. More about that later. But, first, here’s the question from Bald in Bowie.

I’m hoping you can help resolve this fight between my wife and me. For the past several years, I have participated in triathlons to help raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I’ve lost too many friends and watched even more do battle with cancer, and I wanted to try to help. So I’ve joined a group that raises money for the society. In a few weeks, we are hosting a large bake sale hoping to raise as much money as we can. I asked my wife if she would have a problem with me shaving my four-year-old’s head and eyebrows. He’s very fair-skinned, and people may look at him and think that he’s undergoing chemotherapy. My argument is that all of the money we collect from the stunt will go to fight cancer. I’ve asked three different cancer survivors and patients how they feel about it, and they agree that if the money is going to fight cancer, it’s a good idea. My wife disagrees. Help!

Bald in Bowie

I find this question hilarious. And I’m particularly sympathetic to this questioner. Because it’s me. No, really. I wanted to submit my own question to Harry & Louise, to see if we would have the same advice. Maybe I was getting a little freaked out that we’ve been agreeing too much recently. As you may have guessed, I’m the person raising money for leukemia patients and I want to shave my young son’s head to try and get sympathy donations. I’ll repeat..  ALL OF THE MONEY RAISED goes to help cancer patients. So, I’m totally fine with the idea. Much to my surprise, Harry and Louise disagree with me. Let’s start with Harry.

“There’s no doubt that raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society is a worthy cause. …But your son is healthy. Kind of a scam, really.”

Calling it a scam might be taking it a little far. Keep in mind that no one is telling people that my young son has cancer, I’d just be letting them make that assumption on their own. Maybe my fair-skinned kid just likes to run around looking like Powder. But, it’s not REALLY a scam if I don’t lie about anything.

Surely, Louise will take my side on this, right??

“Your son will learn so much by watching you devote yourself to causes that are important to you. …Take him to the bake sale. Have him help make some of the treats.”

The kid is barely four years old. I don’t want to have him help me bake. Besides, the one time he did help bake, his brûlée came out too runny and we had to start over. But, that’s not important. What’s important is that he could be used for the greater good to raise money for a good cause. So, I stand by my original decision and still think it’s a good idea. Now, who wants some damn brownies?