New Yorkers Unimpressed by Taylor Swift

taylor swiftOn Monday we learned that Taylor Swift will be New York City’s “global welcome ambassador for tourism” — and just as quickly we learned that our fellow city folk wish she would just go back into the woods.

You should really read the New York Times roundup of “meh” reactions from various area writers, but we’ll go over the lyrics of the song that (coincidentally!) preceded the campaign.

“Walking through a crowd/ The village is aglow”

If she could walk comfortably, then she’s definitely not talking about the Halloween Parade or the Gay Pride Parade or any other large event in the area.

“Everybody here wanted something more/ Searching for a sound we hadn’t heard before”

Don’t go to Terminal 5. All the rumors about its terrible acoustics are 100 percent true.

“It’s a new soundtrack I could dance to this beat, beat”

So stop calling her “country” or wondering whether she ever was.

“When we first dropped our bags/ On apartment floors/ Took our broken hearts/ Put them in a drawer”

We hope those bags weren’t too heavy, because she wouldn’t want her downstairs neighbors complaining to the landlord.

“Like any great love/ It keeps you guessing/ Like any real love/ It’s ever changing”

This is just further proof that city people are never satisfied with anything. Thankfully, we’re not the ones the city hired Taylor to convince.