Narcissism Melts in Your Mouth, Not in Your Hand: Introducing Photo-Printed M&Ms

photo m&ms.jpg

Mars Inc. has created a powerful new weapon for student council campaigns in wealthier school districts, now allowing customers to customize their M&M’s chocolate candies with not only messages in one of three typefaces (alas, one is Comic Sans) and 22 different colors, but also photos. That’s right, now you can upload your favorite glamour shot and have it transferred in black food-grade ink onto massive quantities of M&M’s. As the printing area is but a wee centimeter of candy-coated shell, the company’s website recommends that photos be high-resolution, shadowless, and lacking in both glasses and hats. Unfortunately, the official rules put the kibosh on our plan to create M&M’s printed with a simple “w” (or is that a contrarian “m”?). “We take great pride in the history of M&M’s products,” notes the website. “So the only single letter we print on our candy is the letter ‘m.'” Also verboten: pseudodrugs. “To avoid any confusion and keep everyone safe, we will not print any reference to drugs or prescription items, especially those that are in pill or capsule form.” We’re hoping that this doesn’t doom our Albert Hofmann memorial M&M’s idea.