MEMO to Nike: Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy

Simpsons-lawsuitsLawyers. I know, right?

You say that word and most people roll their eyes with visions of shouting advertisements and ambulance chasers. There’s a reason for the bad stereotypes — whacked-out lawsuits, the shady folk who debate them and the dolts who win them.

There’s the chick who sued McDonald’s (and won) for serving her hot coffee that she spilled in her own lap. There’s the other chick who sued Wendy’s (and won) because she found a finger in her chili — and then it turned out to be a hoax. No, really? Or even the dude that sued Subway’s (and will probably win because justice is screwy that way) for being an inch short on its foot-long sub. 

Frivolous lawsuits suck out loud because of the bad PR it gives good attorneys (yes, there are some), but this one against Nike may kick all their behinds.

Sirgiorgio-ClardyMeet Sirgiorgio (Yes, as in Sir-Giorgio-You-Are-Named-After-A-Damn-Cologne-And-Fashion-Line) Sanford Clardy. 

This 26-year-old ne’er-do-well never really had a fair shake considering his name, but living in Portland, Ore., he tried to make it work. You see, he’s a pimp. Yes, as in female-ho’ing-street-corner-flowing pimp. And he is suing Nike (a local up-and-comer in the shoe industry) for $100 million!

Why? Oh, this is great.

After brutally beating a man with his Nike Jordan shoes, a pimp filed a $100 million lawsuit against Nike for not providing a warning label that their shoes could be used as a dangerous weapon.

Clardy handwrote (can you imagine the scribbling Sanskrit that looked like) a three-page complaint from the Eastern Oregon Correctional Institution in Pendleton where he is incarcerated, the newspaper reports. The complaint says that Nike “failed to warn of risk or to provide an adequate warning or instruction” that their shoes are a “potentially dangerous product.”

That’s right, kids. Only in ‘Merica. Your move, Nike. Just do it … please?!