Ask Piranhamous Anything

It’s Friday, which means it’s time for another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple, funny and insightful.

1. In light of the new disclosure about ex-Politico White House Correspondent Joe Williams being on probation, should newspapers be doing background checks before they hire reporters? Should reporters be forced to tell their employers if they are arrested? Poor Joe Williams, whining about big, bad conservative journalists who’ve reported on him, um, “issues.” One wonders what Joe can see from his cross. But he’s the perfect example of why background checks should be an option. But it’s less about their personal lives than it is about their professionalism, or lack thereof. Williams is an angry, defensive left-wing jackass. He didn’t just become one last week, he’s always been one. He was just so irrelevant no one noticed. He made the mistake of making bigoted comments that he’s undoubtedly made countless times in private, in public and on TV. The rest of his life came out as a result. The lesson for aspiring “Joes” out there is this: if you call half the country bigots for the “crime” of disagreeing with you politically, don’t be surprised if they look into your life. Do I care that he’s been canned? Yes. But only because it makes me laugh. Should reporters be forced to tell their bosses they’ve been arrested? No. But they probably should…if they like having a job.

2. What do you think ought to happen with NBC’s Today Show? DId you think it was right of them to give Ann Curry the ax? Babe Ruth was the best player in baseball…until he wasn’t. His time had passed, and so has Today’s. At least as currently configured. It’s a horrible show. No one in history has ever thought, “Man, I can’t wait to hear what Matt Lauer has to say about this.” no host should ever stick around long enough for the audience to realize they’re an idiot. Too many have and are still there. Ann seemed nice enough, but she may look back on this time the way people how got off the Titanic in Ireland look at their luck. What should happen to Today? Turnover, less hackivism, some dissenting voices and some *gasp* real journalism. I realize that’s a pipe dream when talking about an NBC property, but that’s also why NBC properties are seeing their ratings hit an iceberg.

3. You have to spend a full 24 hours watching one show and here are your choices: FNC’s “The Five,” MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” or CNN’s John King USA? What do you choose and why? And no, sleeping is not allowed. You’re evil. I’d go with “John King USA.” The reason being it’s no longer on the air. “The Five” isn’t good. It’s Dana Perino and Bob Beckle, two people who’ve worked in government, and three other interchangeable Chatty-Cathys with long, bare legs whose job is to talk about news they’ve never covered or been a part of. It’s like an uninteresting conversation happening at the table next to you; you might listen in every once in a while, but you’ll never learn anything you didn’t already now and you’ll wonder later why you wasted your time. Still, it’s better than “The Cycle” on MSNBC…but then so is Penicillin resistant syphilis. And speaking of Penicillin resistant syphilis, there’s “Morning Joe!” I’m just kidding, Morning Joe can not suck, just not that often because Mika only gets so many vacation days.