First Kanye, Now Martha Stewart Goes On Bizarre Twitter Rant (Against Apple)

Isn’t it frustrating when you break something and the company doesn’t send over a representative to deal with it, immediately, simply because, you know, you’re kind of a big deal?

No? Not something you’ve ever experienced? Well, clearly Martha Stewart is very used to that kind of care and attention, as a bizarre rant that she streamed off against Apple on Twitter last week, after her “precious iPad” was accidentally shattered, speaks volumes about her life, and how out of touch she is with reality.

Here’s the deal: Martha broke her iPad. Or, someone who works for Martha broke her iPad. Now she needs it fixed. What is a billionaire to do?

Unfortunately, 24 hours later, Apple had failed to take action. Maybe their much-touted “Telepath & Teleport” feature wasn’t something Martha had activated on her account. Or maybe they just weren’t reading her tweets. The audacity!

Now, being the smart businesswoman that she is, Martha spots an opportunity.

Finally, Apple starts to pay attention. Unfortunately, it’s not in the manner that Martha was anticipating.

But, but… it was all a joke.

But, you know, if you could actually come round and fix it, too, that’d be great.

In the meantime, let’s talk turkey! And, you know, broken iPads. In case your guy isn’t on his way yet.

Because, you know, I could cut myself on this. Not to mention all the knives in my kitchen. And I’m busy and very important!

And that’s where the trail ends. Is Martha’s iPad still shattered? Did Tim Cook himself show up to fix it personally? Did she slice her finger on the screen and bleed all over the turkey? We’ll have all the news as it breaks. Film at eleven.