Ask Piranhamous Anything

Here’s the latest installment of “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple, funny and insightful.

How excited are you for the White House Correspondents’ Dinner?

I used to get very excited about it. So-called “Nerd Prom” was an opportunity to meet and mingle with all sorts of celebrities you only saw on TV, in the movies and in months old US Weekly mags in the dentist office. Then I went a bunch of times and was struck by the reality of just how horribly vapid and vain those people are. It’s difficult to have a conversation with someone who has an IQ lower than that of a field mouse and is constantly looking for a reflective surface in which to admire themselves. In other words, I’m not going.

Do you think Lindsay Lohan will get wasted this weekend? How much alcohol will she consume in ounces?

Depends on if her mother is with her. How screwed up is Dina Lohan? She’s one of the few people outside the TV show “Intervention” that brings out the worst in their kid. If there’s no mama, Greta Van Susteren will keep Lindsay in line. If Dina is there, I hope someone brings bail money…for Greta because she doesn’t seem like the type to sit idly by while a mother tries to do body shots off her daughter.

How come conservative journos (aside from TWT who is bringing a dog) avoid Nerd Prom?

Why would you go to a party where everyone thinks you’re a date-raper or worse than Hitler? These Hollywood leftists, tolerant as they are, look at conservatives like they are milk and Lactaid hasn’t been invented. Conservatives look at them like they are cabbage and Beano hasn’t been invented. Not many people would show up for a softball game between the PLO and the Israeli Army and it’s the same thing here. My guess is the Washington Times needs the publicity. The rest of ’em don’t. And if there’s a good chance you’re not going to be able to hold down your expensive dinner because the stars of “Cougartown” or the writer of “Sex and the City” are calling you evil, why go?

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