Li’l Kinney, We’ll Miss You

Lil Kenny.jpg

As much as we are completely immersed in our unbridled love for blog, blog, and more blog, we’ve asked for reader input from time to time, and always love hearing from our dear and respected audience. So we were absolutely thrilled to received some reader mail this morning. From Spugbucket. Yes, that Spugbucket. Again. Seems we (bad UnBeige, bad) had overlooked the demise of a crucial parking lot character. To rectify:

You might have glimpsed his unendearing overbite as you strolled past an overfluoresced parking garage on West 41st Street. You may have even read one of his pithy third-person-present proclamations as you waited for your Ford Focus on East 29th. But few of us have truly mourned the passing of one of New York’s least-beloved characters—Li’l Kinney.

Finger eternally raised in professorial interruption, L’il Kinney was the instatntaneously irritating representative of the now-defunct Kinney Parking System. Unlike the sympathetic neuroses of the UTZ girl, or the cheery deformity of Mister Softee, L’il Kinney exuded the desperate flop-sweat confidence of the childhood prodigy unable to deal with life and forced into a life as a humiliating low-end shill.

He usually doled out rote instructional information such as “L’il Kinney sez: Look both ways before exiting the garage”, but occasionally lapsed into overcompensatory greet-speak such as: “L’il Kinney sez: Please enjoy your stay in New York’s Times Square” His last statement, on the wall of a garage on East 241st street, gave it all away: “L’il Kinney sez: Please, God, put me out of this misery”

Kinney Parking’s successor, Central Parking Systems Inc. replaced L’il with a mid-70’s-esque neo-swastika. L’il is survived by his father, Col. Seamus O’Kinney, and his two cats, Lovey and Fluffy II.

We extend our deepest regrets.