LAT in 90 Seconds

Comedic Timing: riot.jpg
The LAT lambasts the comedy The L.A. Riot Spectacular, for arriving too late. It’s been 14 years since the 1992 LA Riots. Why am I only seeing this movie now? asks an irritated (and usually hatted) Pat Morrison.

Um… good question, Pat. The movie came out in 2005.

Growing Pains: halfnelson.jpgWe have a soft spot for kid actors. Their lives, let’s face it, suck. So when we see inadvertent slams against them, we die — a little — on the inside.

In a piece about the filming of Half Nelson, director Ryan Fleck said he was worried that Shareeka Epps, who starred in his Sundance darling as a 13-year-old, would be too old for the feature-length remake four years later.

“We hadn’t seen her in a few years, but we met with her when we were starting to cast the movie,” Fleck said. “She hadn’t grown at all.”

Ow. We remember being 17. We also remember being 13. If anyone, ever, said we looked the same at 17 as we did during the gawkiest year of our lives, we’d put them in a half nelson.

Warhol Was Right: redstonecruise.jpgTom Cruise is just the beginning. Eventually, studios’ concern about the bottom line and the insane amount of money stars make on mediocre films will lead them to distance themselves from stars and turn to … where else? The internet. The guy who scored 1 million hits on YouTube for snarfing a Diet Coke yesterday will open the next Adam Sandler-esque film. Any random hot chick licking an ice cream cone on MySpace has more charisma than Lindsay Lohan.

And a certain witty blogger we know has just as much charm as any ol’ Sandra Bullock. You listening, Sumner Redstone?