LAT in 90 Seconds

There’s nothing to read/watch/play/listen to/download/blow up:
It was so much simpler when we all died around 35. You hit puberty, you get married, get a job and have babies. Then, before you know it, you’re dead. There was no such thing as the teenager — and certainly no such thing as teen ennui.

But then Hygiene and Sanitation gave birth to their love-child: Listlessness. Trying to battle it is futile. Make all the gadgets and fart-joke movies you want: Teens are still as bored out of their minds as they’ve ever been.

The Other Simon: LAT profiles Simon Fuller, the creator of American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance. The piece mentions he is “a genius,” that he has deals with HBO and NBC, that he is “hungry” to “change much of the entertainment landscape.”

The story makes no mention of the deal that we’re certain he’s signed with the Devil. Send a FOIA to Hades, kids. We’re sure the document exists.

Back Off, Deborah: Deborah Netburn is making a play for our girl-crush, deconstructing a review of The Barnyard: The Original Party Animals by Carina Chocano.