JFK Death Cult Takes Over the Airwaves

This guy died once.

John F. Kennedy died today -well not today, rather IT WAS 50 YEARS AGO. Nonetheless the news media are expending all their resources to bring you breathless reporting from That Place In Dallas Where Things Happened Once. Interviews abound with super important people like Woman Who Was In the Crowd When It Happened, Person Who Was Alive in 1963, and Man Who Cried One Time Thinking About It All.

Everyone is being a bit ludicrous today, but two networks have really taken the cake, our friends at NBC and CNN.

NBCNews.com will, ludicrously, be reporting the news today ALL DAY as if it were 1963. Literally from 11:40 AM CT to 11:26 PM CT -we have a press release about it. We suppose they will change their URL to NBCOlds.com as well. What’s more, Brian Williams and Tom Brokaw will be live in Dallas at 1:28 PM ET today to commemorate the Moment JFK Was Shot, AND Brian Williams will be broadcasting the “Nightly News” from Dealey Plaza, AND NBC will air Tom Brokaw’s documentary “Where Were You: The Day JFK Died” for two hours at 9:00. Let’s hope Pete Williams is on stand-by somewhere in case any important news breaks.

Oh, and just in case you have literally nothing to do with your life, NBCOlds.com also has a livestream of the Eternal Flame! NBC, it is literally called the Eternal Flame because it does not change! Livestream not required!

This flame is doing nothing, which is why it is important.

And then there’s CNN, which ran a graphic this morning comparing the approval ratings of President Obama (41%) and President Kennedy (90%). Well what an extremely useful comparison. How do Americans feel about the guy who was President for less than 3 years, 50 years ago, and whose party had massive majorities in both Houses of Congress, versus the guy who is currently President and is mired in the midst of the most bitter partisan warfare of the past, well, ever? What could account for the disparity?

You know what would be even more useful? Let’s throw George Washington into the mix. Surely there must be some profound insights as to why G-Dubs gets a 100% rating versus JFK’s 90%. Maybe, like, time passing?

Oh there’s more, after the jump…

Never mind that most people who took CNN’s poll probably weren’t even alive when JFK was president. Never mind that anyone who was alive during JFK’s presidency was either a dumb baby at the time, or is currently a dottering old person, or both. Never mind that JFK’s policy accomplishments were 1) Bay of Pigs, 2) Cuban Missile Crisis, 3) Not shutting down the Million Man March on Washington; whereas Obama has enacted a wide range of sweeping and controversial reforms.

People will sit in these chairs soon.

Never mind that JFK was doing drugs in the White House and cheating on his wife with celebrities the whole time he was President. Did CNN pollsters provide that little tid-bit of information to the people they polled this week? Nah, why bother? Context not required here folks -it’s just television.

And how many live shots can Ed Lavandera/John King do in front of THE CHAIRS???!!! FishbowlDC has counted at least 4,000 since we hit the gym this morning at 8:00.

Okay, we’re done. Sorry for all the exclamation points.