If Amy Alkon Calls You at Home–Hang Up!


The Advice Goddess, aka Amy Alkon, looks like a Va-Voom girl and writes like a demon. She exposes her inner consumer-affairs advocate in the current Hustler. (Not in the way you think, perv.) She takes on telemarketers, and basically, grinds their bones to make her bread. When disturbed at home by a pre-recorded message from some giganto food warehouse drone, she tracks the perp down–at his home. Here’s the exchange:

“Hello, Mrs. Snee?” I guessed. “This is Amy Alkon. I’m looking for Tim Snee — the Tim Snee who’s a V.P. at Smart & Final.” She said he was her husband.

“Well, your husband called me at home, and I don’t like that.” I said.


“I got this recorded message from your husband…” I continued.

Now, the lady got it. Sounding peeved, she explained that he was just letting people know they were working to correct the shelf-restocking problem.

Yeah, so I’d heard. “Guess what?” I snapped. “I don’t work for Smart & Final or Tim Snee, and I resent getting calls from him at home. How do you like being bothered at home by some irritating stranger?”

She then sends an invoice for her time.

Take-away for readers:

My motto: If you can’t beat ’em, annoy the crap out of ’em, then bill ’em for your time.

Sadly, the piece isn’t on-line, but it’s available at newsstands everywhere except Wal-Mart. And probably not Smart & Final.