How to Fix Your Newspaper

The Post’s Sunday Outlook section featured a hilarious piece by Bob Brody, a public relations executive in New York City. Brody discusses–satirically–how newspapers can stop hemorrhaging readers.

Some of his suggestions:

  • The newspaper you hold in your hands has gone through what these days would be called an extreme makeover. For starters, our pages are now lined in suede. Consumer research has shown us that you appreciate newspapers as physical objects. Hence the new velvety texture, designed to enhance your tactile pleasure and cause you to bond with us, possibly even leading you to stroke the pages resting in your lap.

  • [W]e have established a section purely for fiction, called “Too Good to Check.”
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