Ask Piranhamous Anything

Here is this week’s installment of “Ask Piranhamous Anything.”  If you have a question you’d like “snarked to death,” send it to This isn’t an advice column. Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple, funny and insightful.

Had you heard of Hilary Rosen before she went viral this week?

Who? No, I’d never heard of Hilary Rosen before this week. She hit the public consciousness like a kid who cannonballs into the pool while you’re sitting there trying to read a book. You’re soaking wet and that little bastard gets everyone wet. But his parents see that what his did caused a stir and quickly carried him away. In this case, CNN are the parents, and when Daddy Wolf Blitzer scolds you in front of everyone, you know your pool time might result in treading water.

What do you think of the ongoing round the clock TV coverage of Trayvon Martin? Should it be packaged into a box set?

Trayvon Martin? Who is that? Never before have so much time been spent on a topic with so little information conveyed. There are no new facts known, aside from the charges finally being filed, yet the media Chatty Cathys prattles on. Aside from the fact that Al Sharpton was more than a thousand miles away when his death happened, you’d think he was Trayvon’s best friend and there when it went down. Speculation is one thing, but declarative statements about something these talking heads couldn’t possibly know has become the norm.  A box set? It won’t happen, but don’t think the idea hasn’t been tossed around the National Action Network headquarters.

The Fox News mole via Gawker shared news of Bill O’Reilly crapping in a bathroom that is enclosed in toilet tissue to ensure privacy. Do you think O’Reilly deserves better than this, er, shit?

That really was news, wasn’t it? Well done, Gawker, way to be relevant – tell the world a guy who everyone knows is full of shit, takes one. No wonder no one with more intelligence than a deflated football reads that site. Bill O’Reilly craps! I can’t decided who the bigger idiot in this story is – the Mole for making himself unemployable outside of some douche-factory like Media Matters, or Gawker for hyping and paying for what amounts to someone telling them O’Reilly has a functioning digestive track. It might be a tie.