Hernia Surgery with a Butter Knife in Glendale: The World Retches

Here’s a story from the Glendale News-Press that will make you puke in your mouth and/or on your laptop as you read this. That hasn’t stopped it from being picked up around the world, however. We initially found out about this story from the Montreal Gazette. On Monday, a 63-year-old Glendale man attempted to give himself hernia surgery with a six-inch butter knife.

When police arrived at the man’s home on the 1000 block of Columbus Avenue, they saw the naked man lying outside on a lounge chair with what appeared to be the handle of a knife protruding from his stomach, Police Sgt. Tom Lorenz said.

As police waited for paramedics to arrive, Lorenz said the man pulled out the knife and shoved a cigarette he was smoking inside the open wound.

We here at FBLA don’t know the man’s identity. But we suspect he’s a Tea Partier showing the country they don’t need Obamacare. They can pull themselves up by their bootstraps and take care of their hernias themselves, just like the goddess Ayn Rand intended….

No, on second thought, he’s probably just some crazy, desperate person without health insurance. Our mistake.