Forbes Names Terrible, Awful, Dammit What The Hell are You Doing New York Knicks Most Valuable NBA Team [Updated]

According to Forbes, The New York Knickerbockers are the most valuable team in the NBA. The Knicks have lost their last four games in a row by an average of 19 points. They paid millions to Andrea Bargnani, a free agent no other team wanted, perhaps because he seems to think spinning like a top is the same thing as playing defense. The Knicks also employ a man named JR Smith. We lack the cognitive ability to comment sanely on Smith, so we’ll just move along.

Despite all this, James Dolan, owner of the Knicks, must be happy. Forbes claims that the Knicks are worth about $1.4 billion, making them number one in the league.

So it really doesn’t matter if the Knicks lose two games because of players taking shots when all they needed to do was hold onto the ball to secure a win. It really doesn’t matter if the Knicks’ coach, Mike Woodson, coddles players to the point that they’re genuinely surprised when someone suggests taking 17 threes in one game is sociopathic behavior. It really doesn’t matter that Knicks are constantly out-coached, give zero effort on defense, repeatedly complain to referees, and have more in common with a bad soap opera than the rest of the NBA.

It really doesn’t matter, because the Knicks are number one.

Update (1/23):
The Knicks have now lost five in a row.