Facebook Forces Employees to Connect to the Net Like It’s 1999

2G or not 2G? There is no question!

Anyone remember the days when you were giddy to rush to the mailbox to see a colorful package that read “America Online 250 Free Hours”?

It was Christmas every day when AOL sent those free CD-ROMs because you knew you were about to have a great time in any one of the random 73 chat rooms you bookmarked. Of course, you had to fight through banal logging-in and dialing-in static frenzy, until you heard those infamous words: “You’ve Got Mail!”

Those were the days, amirite?

While some of you may be shaking your head, thinking the writer of this story is half-baked out of his mind, the others are vigorously nodding up and down, having a flashback of yelling down the hall, “Get off the phone! I’m trying to get online!”

Mark Zuckerberg and his cracked crew of hoodie-adorned, facially coiffed hipsters at Facebook want us to harken back to the days of inferior surfing. This is why he announced “2G Tuesdays.”

The goal is to get more employees to stop taking 4G, LTE, and gigabit speed for granted, and think more about the countries Facebook wants to get connected with its pet project, Internet.org — like India.

When a Facebook employee logs in to the app any Tuesday morning, they’ll see a prompt at the top of their News Feed asking whether they want to try out the slower connection for an hour.

“For that next hour, their experience on Facebook will be very much like the experience that millions of people around the world have on Facebook on a 2G connection,” [Engineering director Tom] Alison says. “They’re going to see the places that we need to improve our product, but they’re also going to see the places where we have made a lot of progress.”

Will this hour of doldrums force Facebook employees to forget their rage and urge to yell at the microwave for a faster burn? Probably not.

Will this create a need for a mass exodus to the local Starbucks for a great cup of Joe…and some sweet 4G free Wi-Fi? It’s 2015! What do you think?