Dumbass Pitches

We may have just found the best Dumbass Pitch ever today. Keep in mind, we get loads of absurd pitches. Some are good. Most are boring. But the true gems are the ones that are so bad that we just have to share them with you. Today’s pitch just came with the subject line, “He boiled his pee (!) and discovered phosphorus.” Well, you certainly have my attention now. A man who has fun with bodily functions and discovers wonder? Is this about WaPo‘s Pulitzer Prize-winning genius Gene Weingarten? No, it’s a pitch about the book, The Ponderables by author Tom Jackson. He’s “a science writer who has the gift of making intellectual topics fun” and the pee story is about Henning Brand. He was, of course, the first alchemist to discover a new element. He discovered phosphorous by peeing in a pot and boiling it down. As it concentrated, it began glowing in the dark, and that magic powder was called phosphorous.

We would ordinarily tell you to not try this sh#t at home. But if anyone is bored this weekend or looking to kill time on a rainy day, boy do I have the perfect hobby for you.