Dumbass Pitches

It seems like ever since we started publishing the Dumbass Pitches we get in our inboxes, we started getting exponentially more. Not that we’re complaining. Sure, they’re stupid, but they’re pretty entertaining, too. Today’s Dumbass Pitch comes from Iris Krasnow, the author of The Secret Lives of Wives. The pitch starts by saying, “Bestselling author Iris Krasnow pulls back the curtain and you’ll be surprised to hear the shocking and uncensored real-life confessions of women who have stayed married for the long haul!!” Frankly, we’ve never met anyone with the perfect marriage, so we’re naturally curious to hear what she’s suggesting. The pitch continues by saying that the book “will inspire any woman who is hungry for marital commitment and reinvention. Yes, women can have it both ways: a committed, happy marriage and adventures in uncharted territory.” In other words, it’s a self-help book.

What are the tips and tricks they suggest women employ to help save their marriages? There are some easy ones like “Having weekly wine-and-whine girl’s nights out” and “resuming old hobbies they abandoned once they had kids.” Those seem reasonable and obvious. It gives the lady time to be an individual person and not just a wife. Now what else?

• Spicing things up by regularly going out on dates with “the one who got away”
• Convincing her husband to join her in sleeping with other couples
• Playing mahjong with the girls and that’s all the added oomph needed

Excuse me? Going out on dates with former flames? Having swinging sex with other couples? Yeah, and throw mahjong in there, too. Because the type of person who forms mahjong groups is the type of person to invite other couples to bang in their marital bed.

What is more disturbing is this new trend of not respecting marriage vows. No one has ever accused me of being a puritan, but it’s a little shocking that the author thinks that going out on dates with men other than your husband will help strengthen a marriage. But, she’s not alone. A recent piece in the NYT details a woman whose husband actually LIKES that she is attracted to and hooks up with other men.

So, is this a thing now? Will it make your marriage better and more stable? You tell me because I’m damn sure not bringing it up with my wife.