Dear Nikki Finke: Please Sue The Crap Out Of HBO

205nyrnikki.jpgWhen Matthew Belloni revealed the details of the “Tilda” script, it became painfully clear that it is all about you, Nikki Finke. It isn’t just the basic premise of the show – a popular Hollywood blogger who uses her website to take on Tinseltown’s power players – that screams Finke. Belloni’s article has us convinced that the “Tilda” authors simply read your New Yorker profile and changed a few nouns:

Finke, according to that story, is 55 with long, blonde hair and a demeanor that is said to alternate between charming and monstrous. She’s described as a one-time debutante with some health issues who was fired from the New York Post in 2002 and prefers not to leave her house because, the story says, “she finds it uncomfortable to run into the people she has vilified.” Finke hasn’t been publicly photographed in a few years (despite Gawker offering $1,000 for a recent pic to replace the shot above). And at one point in her career, she had to sell her Honda Accord for half its value to pay her bills.

The Condon/Mort script describes Tilda as “50ish” with “long blonde hair, the last vestige of the prep school girl she once was,” and a demeanor that alternates between charming and monstrous (“I’d fire you because you’re a pathetic douche bag who fucks assistants and then replaces them,” she barks at the studio exec). She has emotional issues and is agoraphobic (her groceries are being delivered in one scene), preferring to stay inside because “I just find it uncomfortable to run into the people I write about,” she says. There hasn’t been a picture taken of Tilda for years. Oh, and she was fired from Newsweek and once had to sell her car to pay back taxes.

They have stolen your life, Nikki, and now Diane Keaton is going to turn you into every other daffy, stammering, post-menopausal chick-flick character she’s played for the last two decades. Don’t let them get away with it! You do not have to take this. You are the most feared woman in Hollywood! Lord knows you scare the bejeesus out of us.

Love,
FishbowlLA


P.S. We’re still totally going to watch the show.