Dan vs. Anderson: A Fishbowl Dilemma

I feel like Kelly on 90210 – how does a girl choose between Dylan and Brandon? Scratch that: I’m Felicity, and nothing short of a wacky experience with time travel is going to make me choose between Ben and Noel. For those of you unfamiliar with this analogy, shame on you. Felicity was superb TV, and I think I just added another girl crush. But the bottom line is, I’ve got a dilemma: because for the first time, Dan and Anderson are making me choose.

It all started last week when Anderson lit into his fellow newsies over the Natalee Holloway story. Perhaps fed up over Greta’s rocketing ratings, or perhaps really thinking he could lash out at his peers and not be utterly lambasted for it, Cooper criticized “our cable competitors” for the “hours and hours” they devote to the story, “even though, sadly, nothing new is happening.” Cooper went on to show John Stewart-style, a sequence of fellow talking heads Rita Cosby, Dan Abrams, Bill O’Reilly, Greta Van Susteren, and Joe Scarborough on the story (which, er, viewers seem to really be interested in).

And then the floodgates opened. As Jeff Jarvis said, he “broke an unwritten rule of news: He criticized his competitors” and they came right back, including Fox sniping back and advising Anderson to worry about CNN rather than “on there instead of pontificating on what the number one cable news network is doing” (and, well, they do have a point). Then Dan Abrams weighed in – our gentle, mild Dan – and told Anderson where he could stick his “holier-than-thou attitude:

Doesn’t Larry King work for CNN? I sure thought he did. And what about Nancy Grace? I guess not. Because if they did, I am certain he would have started his crusade by convincing CNN brass to stop them from regularly covering the story…But at least Anderson’s show is only covering the most important of stories, right? I guess he is — if you consider the disappearance of the newlywed on a cruise ship in Turkey, women who love killers and the Jackson jurors the most important stories of the day. Those are just a few of the stories he covered this week.

Zing! Oh Andy, he’s gotcha there, and we confess that it breaks our hearts. We’re sorry. We’ll always love you, in that “I’ve never met you but I’ve seen you on TV” kind of way.

In the meantime, Dan – Anderson – random dude from FNC – can’t we all get along? I’d really love to see a hug. FNC dude, you’re excused.

(Thanks to TVNewser, btw)