CPAC Day 1 Awards

I went to CPAC today so you didn’t have to. After spending 35 minutes getting the runaround trying to register (whatever their system is, it sucks), I got my lanyard and was on my way. Here’s the best (funniest or saddest) of what I saw.

Coolest CelebrityChuck Woolery. He was spotted all over the place, radio row, blogger’s lounge and smoking. One of the things I overheard most was, “Dude, was that Chuck Woolery?” Yes, dude, it was.

Uncoolest Celebrity Kirk Cameron. He was there, not many people cared. Maybe it’s just been too long since Growing Pains, or maybe too many people saw the “Left Behind” movies. Whatever it was, people looked, then kept moving.

The “Everywhere” GuyAndrew Breitbart. He was a flash of white hair bolting past people constantly. Either he was always late or absolutely determined to be on time. Either way, he seemed to get where he was going.

The “I’m Here, Please Notice Me” Guy – Richard Miniter, bestselling author, formerly with TWT. When he wasn’t on radio row hoping to be asked for an interviewed, he was spotted standing in the middle of the lobby bar desperately looking around for someone who wanted to talk to him, and probably buy him a drink. Pretty big fail on all fronts.

Biggest Entourage – Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.). You couldn’t get very close to her if you weren’t a member of the media. Not many members of the media wanted to.

Smallest EntourageJoe the Plumber. Only had his wife in tow, wearing cowboy boots, suede jacket and a baseball cap, he was every bit the “everyman” as people stopped him constantly.

Most Rousing Speech – Sen. Rand Paul. He had the crowd rocking. His dad won’t be here but only the die-hard Ron Paul fans seemed to care.

Least Rousing SpeechSpeaker Boehner. He threw the red meat to the base but they didn’t seem to buy it. Support for him is wavering among many CPACers after perceived “caves” to the President.

The Dave Weigel Award for Being Dave Weigel Slate‘s Dave Weigel. The guy was all over the place, talking to anyone. Some people gave him grief for being Dave Weigel, but his spirits were high, even though he seemed to have put his iron on low. A collection should be taken up to buy him hangers because dressing out of wadded up bags of clothes, while maybe clean, doesn’t ooze professionalism.

The “Big Deal” Award – Tommy Christopher. Mediaite’s White House correspondent took time away from the White House to visit a conference of people he holds in contempt. Yes, he holds everyone in contempt, but it was nice of a self-described “public figure” such as Tommy to take time out of his busy schedule to hound people with his tri-pod and mingle with a sick voice that makes him sound like he has diphtheria (yeah, we don’t know what that is, either, but it doesn’t sound good).

The “I’m So Over It” AwardMark Block. Block, Herman Cain‘s former campaign manager, was not, repeat NOT, spotted smoking, just reading emails on his phone. For the record, the mustache looked great.

The “WTF Are You Doing Here?” Award – Suspended CNN analyst Roland Martin. That the guy found himself with time on his hands isn’t shocking. That the liberal commentator chose to spend it at CPAC, was.

I tried to count American flag shirts but lost count at a number just north of our national debt.