Conan O’Brien Remembers the Time He Was Compelled to Exclaim: ‘I’m Not Masturbating!’

Much has been written about Conan vs. Jay and the possibility of a TBS-NBC tug-of-war over The Masturbating Bear. But thanks to Coco’s November 11th issue interview with Rolling Stone (“Conan Unbound”), there is now another classic confrontation to be savored: Conan vs. the gorgeous downstairs models.

In the article, O’Brien takes reporter Mark Binelli on a tour of his early LA dwellings and explains that the best thing about his second address, in West Hollywood, was the gorgeous model roommates living downstairs. That is, until the day he spied the pair in the backyard, giggling and taking photos of each other while wearing string bikinis.

Remembers O’Brien:

I just happened to look out the window and see them doing this, and suddenly I’m frozen like a deer. And they look up, and they see me looking down at them, and I’m so f*cked. It’s like I’m Boo Radley. I’m the pervert on the second floor… ‘No!’ I start shouting, ‘I’m not masturbating! I’m really not masturbating!’ Which, I’ve found, is never a good sentence.

Elsewhere in the article, O’Brien mentions that he hopes to be able to reunite the cast of The Goonies, a movie shot on the same Warner Bros. Stage 15 that he is now using for his TBS talker. We say: bring back the downstairs models!