Company Wants to Help Put Out Weiner’s Fires

A media marketing company based in Tampa is offering New York mayoral hopeful Anthony Weiner the chance to learn how to use Social Media without setting his life ablaze. Bits of the news were first reported on TMZ Sunday. Among other things, he’d learn how to shoot his schlong on Snapchat without getting caught as well as use the DRUNK DIAL app. Shouldn’t these be musts for all lawmakers?

Trent Silver, who runs Silver Visibility, has given us the full letter he sent Weiner.

The bottom line: A lot of people want a piece of Weiner. The company would negotiate a fee with the serial sexter, which they would then donate to the New York Fire Department.  “In essence, we would be sort of the Robin Hoods, taking the money from Weiner for our services and giving it away to FDNY,” Silver told FishbowlDC.

Asked how his company feels about Huma Abedin standing beside her Weiner, he replied, “I have a lot of respect for her,” said Silver. “It’s obvious Anthony Weiner has a problem, just as some women’s husbands might have a drinking problem. That doesn’t mean you just give up on the person. If he gets the help he needs personally, and we help to restore his reputation, eventually I believe their relationship could withstand all of this drama and perhaps come out stronger in the end.”

Why the New York Fire Department? “So they can put out his fires as well as the cities,” cracked Silver. On a more serious note, he said, “FDNY is actually the perfect organization to benefit – they are selflessly doing good for New York every hour of every day. We would request a $10,000 retainer from Weiner, which every penny would then go to FDNY for their great work.”

See the letter…

Anthony Weiner NYC Mayoral Hopeful

Dear Mr. Weiner:

July 27, 2013

With your recent plunge in the polls following the revelation of your raunchy new photos, we at Silver Visibility would like to help you restore your blemished reputation. While your confidence and libido don’t appear to need a boost, your political career could use a dose of public relations Viagra.

We have put together an outline of some suggestions for helping you out so you can put all this behind you and continue your efforts to run for Mayor of New York City without this “hanging” over you.

• Our experts will teach you the proper way to use social media so you won’t get caught with your pants down next time. • We will help instruct you on the Snapchat app so your “dicktures” disappear in six seconds instead of your political career • We will teach you how to download and use Drunk Dial! NO!, the app that hides a contact’s phone number(s) and email address(es) for between one and 48 hours! There’s no limit on how many contacts you can lock! • Since you aren’t “pulling out” of the race, we will facilitate a partnership with a wholesome brand, such as Oscar Mayer Wieners or Planters Nuts, to make people forget your salacious side • We will match the consulting fee you pay us for restoring your reputation in donations to FDNY in your name so they can put out your fires (in more ways than one) • We will train you on the finer points of sound bytes you can use to answer any and all questions so that you never admit anything!

Don’t worry, Mr. Weiner, these scandals seem like they are career killers however, let us remind you that Marv Albert, Charles Barkley and Frank Gifford all got “caught with their pants down” as well and most everyone has forgotten about their indiscretions (well, until we just reminded them).