Charlie Sheen the Train Wreck

Washington publicists take note. If the congressman is ever in trouble, probably not the best idea to have him go on national TV with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth, as cool as that is. Chain smoking through an interview is just one small sign that all is not well. So is talking about all the crack you’ve smoked and the copious amounts your body can sustain because you’re just that good.

“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen,” the actor said on GMA this morning. “It’s not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.” He jokes, “Too much?”

Shockingly, he passes the urine and blood tests. But host George Stephanopoulos is quick to point out that the blood test is good for only about 72 hours.

If you haven’t yet watched the train wreck, please you’ve gotta skip your deadline and take a look. Watch here, here, and here. And if that isn’t enough to satiate your Sheen fix, he’ll be on GMA tomorrow at 7 a.m. and again on 20/20 Tuesday night at 10 p.m.