Captain Kangaroo Writes CLICK

Straight out of a 1992 Highlights Magazine, Politico‘s resident FLOTUS expert Amie Parnes brings us a story more riveting than a game of Chutes ‘N’ Ladders. It’s about a 200-year-old sofa and more. Much more.

No one’s happier than us that the publication has finally added a children’s component to its newspaper with quirky stories and fun lessons. The headline on one Parnes special was nothing short of regal: “The Lord of the Manor.”

What we learned:

*White House curator Bill Allman knows a shitload about couches. Even a 200-year-old sofa. He even worries that body oils could ruin things and has a remedy for that. “Did the president sit on the sofa?” Allman said he’s been asked.

*Supposedly POTUS doesn’t smoke in the White House, which helps on upkeep on those couches and prevents tobacco stains.

*The best part? Five W’s to impress your friends and this has nothing to do with a former W that used to occupy the White House. We won’t ruin it for you, but you’ll learn which Prez is the only one whose portrait shows his teeth and which room has a chandelier that contains 6,500 pieces of glass. And a secret room? Who knows, the “Lord of the Manor” isn’t spilling.

On another note, it’s clear Parnes works ferociously and has expanded her repertoire somewhat beyond FLOTUS in the few short weeks that we’ve been doing this watch. For instance, from a story published today, we now know that the White House interior designer is headed to the Oscars. Earlier roundups informed that Meg Ryan was spotted dining at BLT Steak near the White House, and that Rep. Anthony Weiner was seen shopping at Whole Foods Monday night. This is a good idea since a pure FLOTUS beat, it turns out, is preposterous.

In Parnes’s world, FLOTUS is always the victim or else the queen of fashion. As is the case with a story with the headline, “Hasselbeck: ‘I love Michelle’s style.'”

Score (based on 1 to 10 kisses, 1 being best, 10 being lots of smooching): 7 kisses (One more than last week.)