Ask Piranhamous Anything

Today we have another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.

1. What should the press do the next time Pres. Obama is on vacation and won’t let them get a photo with a controversial sports star? Say, Michael Vick for example?

Well, if they want it to make a difference in President Obama‘s behavior they should threaten to treat him as if they were honest, unbiased journalists. The threat of reporting on him and his administration as if they were interested in doing their jobs the way they’re supposed to be done would scare the living crap out of the White House and part the trees on any golf course (or, to address your suggestion, dog “park”) like the red sea.

2. What do you think of Conan O’Brien as the entertainment choice for WHCD?

I like Conan but his return (he hosted in 1996) is more a testament to the lack of quality comedians today than anything else. The last few hosts have sucked. Jimmy Kimmel left a lot to be desired, Wanda Sykes was as awful as she always is and Seth Meyers was as unfunny as Saturday Night Live has been since he became head writer. When the other choices are that bad, Conan comes across as the right choice. But honestly, think about it. Who else is out there? Jon Stewart? Stephen Colbert? Letterman? They’d be too distracted kissing the President’s ass to deliver any jokes, so it would be like their shows already are. Maybe it’s time the whole thing goes away? How much celebrating of themselves can journalists really do? Wait, don’t answer that. We all know the answer is infinite.

The third question analyzes the recent and ongoing tensions between Politico and the NYT. 3. Politico and NYT have been in quite the pissing match as of late over allegedly stolen improperly attributed stories. Who wins?

Politico, by default. It doesn’t matter who is actually right, history will be written by the organization that survives and that looks more and more like Politico. The Times has to worry more and more everyday about simply popping out of existence. You might think unloading the Boston Globe, which they’re trying to do now, would add a few years to the end of their life but they bought that rag for a billion and will be lucky to get a Newsweek kind of return on that investment. In my opinion, they both suck and the world would be better off if they simply faded away, and I think they will, but Politico will live on slightly longer, so they “win.”