Ask Piranhamous Anything

Today we have another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.

1. Some journalists were arguing about the merits of Twitter this week. Is it a “dark place” as Matt Lewis says or is there still a reason to love it?

I love it because it is a “dark place.” What kind of a thing is that to say? It says more about the writer than it does Twitter. It reminds me of what Yoda said to Luke Skywalker when he was about to walk off into the swamp and Luke asked him what was out there. Yoda replies, “Only what you take with you.” Maybe Matt is a “dark” person? Doubtful, but you never know.

2. What did you think of the Oprah interview with Lance Armstrong?

I didn’t care if Lance doped, so I don’t care that Lance is now apologizing for doping. Oprah is the least relevant she’s been in 30 years, so this moment would seem to have been a gift for her…only it wasn’t. Everyone knew what Lance was going to say, Oprah was telling the world days in advance what he was going to say, so why would people waste time trying to find OWN on their cable box to watch what they already have been told? No one feverishly hunts for a rerun of Happy Days. So basically, I thought of the interview the way people think of reruns of Happy Days – I’d watch a few minutes if stumbled across it, but wouldn’t waste my time trying to find it for its own sake.

3. Are journalists in Washington inherently lazy or is it everywhere?

Lazy journos…

Both. Journalists are incredibly lazy, unbelievably so. That they would reach their zenith in Washington collectively doesn’t mean they don’t thrive individually elsewhere. As you might be able to tell, I hold most journalists in contempt. It’s not personal, it’s just because I see their work.