Ask Piranhamous Anything

Here’s the latest installment of “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple, funny and insightful.

Your fave Meghan McCain has a new book out, America, You Sexy Bitch: A Love Letter to Freedom, do you plan to a) purchase it or b) if you get it for free would you read it?

First, I would like to point out that any misspellings in this answer are a direct result of the vomit I just spewed all over my keyboard. Would I buy it? I’d rather give $47 to a Colombian hooker. When it comes to Meghan I prefer to follow the “Rules of the Zoo” and not feed the morons. Would I read it if I got it for free? I’m assuming it’s a coloring book. If it’s not, I’m sure it’s the Highlights For Kids of literature. As such, I’d keep it in the bathroom for when I run out of toilet paper.

What do you think sounds more appetizing, a dog meat platter or a dog meat sandwich or perhaps dog lo mein? I may be mixing my cuisine nationalities but I’m sure you’ll correct me if I am.

Dog meat platter sounds more interesting because it implies you’d have several different choices of preparation and many dipping sauces. I don’t really see President Obama eating dog as a big deal. His wife is all about telling people to eat healthier and dogs run a lot, especially from people in countries where they’re eaten, so it’s probably very lean. But it should give state dinner guests pause next time they’re asked if they would like a doggie bag.

What do you think of FNC’s Dana Perino’s sequined backpack? Is Greg Gutfield right to give her a hard time about it?

Sequins are a step above body glitter and only acceptable for strippers and female country singers. As Dana is neither, Greg is correct. Were she 15 and lost her voice at a Justin Bieber concert, that would be acceptable too…but only if she lost it screaming “YOU SUCK, BIEBER!!!” Totally #TeamGreg

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