Ask Piranhamous Anything

Today we have another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.

1. Is Piranhamous more than one person? What makes you qualified to be Piranhamous?

That’s a question each person must answer for themselves, isn’t it? One for the ages. Sometimes it feels that way. Were it, we wouldn’t say. Were it not, I wouldn’t say. You dig? What makes me qualified to be us? Or us qualified to be me? Healthy gums. You can’t brush them enough. Clear? No? That’s kind of the point.

2. Are you going to read latest Washingtonian issue, the one with pancakes on the cover? They’re doing best breakfasts. Guess it’s more appetizing than best proctologists.

I might give it a once-over, but only on days I have to spend more time on the toilet than the second half of your question would recommend. I don’t know where they come up with their story ideas but can imagine their morning editorial meetings being a pain in the ass and that may have something to do with it

3. Do you think MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough is too hard on Romney and is helping to ensure he loses the race?

With Joe, it’s not that he’s hard on Romney, he’s hard on every conservative. I suspect he caught a case of David Frum at a “key party” at David Brooks’ house. I’m not talking about sex, I’m talking about smug. There seems to be something going around Republicans who want to hang with the “cool” media crowd in Manhattan. What passes for a “Republican” in New York and Georgetown wouldn’t even pass for a “Blue Dog Democrat” just a decade ago. This makes people like Joe uncomfortable. He rocks his little nerd glasses and gets all the right invites, but he’s not that interesting so he feels like he needs a “hook.” His hook is to act interesting to his hosts and surroundings. Joe’s problem is he’s not interesting. His reputation in Congress was not, shall we say, the best. I know Joe would like you to think his shortcomings and lack of respect from the right is everyone else’s fault, but you don’t work with a bunch of people for years and come out being disliked by that many of them without the problem being you. You also can’t work in politics and television without growing a huge ego that doesn’t allow you to ever admit that any problem is you. But with Joe, the problem is Joe.