Ask Piranhamous Anything

It’s Friday, which means it’s time for another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple, funny and insightful.

1. With the avalanche of DUMB stories surrounding the Presidential race, should we force future campaigns to take the summer off?

People who run for, or are, President already think the world of themselves and project to the world an image that the bathroom smells like a wildflower meadow when they’re done dropping a deuce, so the stupid season is a good thing. It serves as a reminder that these people are just human beings who do and say stupid things and are just as capable of wallpaper-peeling stink as any one of your drunken uncles at a family reunion. Humanity imposed on them, even if they never acknowledge it, is important, lest people buy too much into the presented image of perfection.  In 2008 we had an image of perfection presented to us in the form of President Obama and that can be dangerous. After three and a half years of gaffes and stupid statements, we now know he has to light a match when he’s done too. And Romney, while he probably has a better diet, isn’t a perfectly programmed robot on the matter.

And if you don’t think that’s enough of a reason to support a long campaign, just imagine all of the money they raise concentrated into a smaller window of time in the form of speeches and ads. It would be like eating a big hunk of peanut butter at once rather than having it spread over a piece of bread – it’s much harder to chew and there’s less of a chance of choking on it.

2. It’s hot as hell these days. I’m curious to know your take on seersucker.

Seersucker is a great concept – a suit that lets air flow through it to cool you down in the hot summer months. But why can’t they make them less ugly? No one should want to look like the sweaty fat guy fanning himself with his hat while sitting on a big porch drinking a glass of lemonade in every movie set in the south. Has technology really not progressed to the point that we can’t make a blue, brown or black suit that breathes? Now that we’ve pretty much ended most of NASA’s work of launching people into space, can’t we reassign some rocket scientists to this important project?

3. What do you think about Larry King interviewing Meghan McCain?

This much dumb in one place is more dangerous than what crossing the streams in Ghostbusters could have caused. Larry could get more intelligent answers from his suspenders than Meghan McCain. So what do I think of it? I try not to.