Army Issues Press Release, Tells Jade Helm Conspiracy Theorists to Chill Out

Someone is causing headaches for the military PR department.

If you haven’t heard the phrase “Jade Helm” recently, then you haven’t been paying attention! It’s the name a of a large exercise conducted by the U.S. Army in various locations across seven states, chosen because their geography resembles that of the desert climates in which troops will operate overseas.

It has also led a lot of people to go slightly crazy. This dude chose to parody his fellow Texans with mention of “ninjas…that can take our guns”:

Laugh at him all you want, but the paranoia led Governor Greg Abbott to assign the Texas State Guard to “keep an eye on Jade Helm.” (Check out the hashtag #JadeHelm15 for more insanity of the Alex Jones variety.)

The U.S. Army also wants everyone to know that it’s just a standard exercise–no martial law, no one grabbing your guns, etc. Ugh.

To that point, the organization put out a press release earlier this week in which it clarified that most people making noise about this non-story are completely nuts.

From the release:

“The exercise will take place across seven states and primarily occur on pre-coordinated private property and military installations. Applicable local and state officials were notified as to the extent of training that will occur off military installations.

The public can expect little disruption in their day-to-day activities since much of the exercise will be conducted in remote areas.

The most noticeable effect the exercise may have on the local communities is a slight increase in vehicle traffic and the limited use of military aircraft and its associated noise.

USASOC intends to conduct the exercise safely and courteously while providing the best possible training available for the nation’s Army Special Operations Forces.”

Translation: “OMG, you people are so dumb.”

Local officials claim that all these reports of conspiracy theories are overblown and that the only people truly interested are in THE MEDIA, of course. But some good might come of it after all:

“…some security experts speculate the attention make actually help military officials glean information on how information on military movements spreads through social media.”

Now who wants to work in the U.S. Army’s communications department?