APOCALYPSE WATCH: Black Friday Expands, Rebrands as ‘Black Week’


Still wondering why we “can’t have nice things?” Two words: Black and Friday

It’s yet another unofficial American holiday during which people are allowed — nay, encouraged — to re-enact scenes from The Purge in hopes of scoring $400 off a big screen TV. The doors open, and may God have mercy on the soul of whoever is standing at that partition.

The stampede is on and the fights go viral faster than you can type #WalMartFights. However, if you think one day is enough of this madness, you better ask somebody. This year “Black Week” because it’s hard out there for a retailer.

We were sitting on our couches waiting for Shark Tank to start when we saw this report about Black Friday (video below). Only one small issue according to the punditry on display — one day isn’t near enough for the jubilee created on this day of yuletide festivity, holiday love, and countless arrests for assault and battery.

The trouble is, “People who wait until Black Friday often miss out on the best deals,” retail analyst Stacey Widlitz told CNBC.

This year; however, new trends may spell the beginning of the end to the spectacle known as Black Friday. Retailers are offering deals way in advance, and more companies are using their websites to offer bargain-basement deals—a bonus for those seeking to avoid the crowds.

And there you have it: one more reason why the turkey in America gets the shaft.

Thanksgiving needs PR in the worst way so people will stop long enough to smell the basted gobbler in the oven and absorb the tryptophan. If it weren’t for all of these dystopian holiday sales, families could enjoy more time with one another giving thanks. Unfortunately, it appears the only thing they are giving thanks for is that the lines at the local Best Buy are not wrapped around the building by 6 PM.

If you appreciate skipping one holiday to prepare for another, let us know why. If not, enjoy this video.

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