Adventures in Marketing: ‘The Titanic II’

OK, a couple of questions between friends: Do you have a lot of money lying around, ready to be wasted on an exotic “experience”? Does the prospect of life on Mars seem a little too far-fetched for you? Do you have a healthy sense of fatalism and/or a creepy obsession with Leonardo DiCaprio?

If you answered yes to any of the above, then you’re in luck: today some random billionaire named Clive Palmer announced his plans to create an identical working replica of the world’s most famously doomed ship–the Titanic. And it will be ready to set sail by 2016!

Yes, it’s true: The boat, which will be made in China (of course), will weigh more than 55,000 tons, include space for 2,435 passengers and 900 (poorly paid) crew members, and stand as one of the more ridiculous PR stunts in recent memory. But Palmer insists that it will be a “real financial bonanza” that will be so successful that he’ll soon have to work on a third! We’ll see about that…

Say, did anybody notice that this guy is a year too late? Did he miss James Cameron’s imminently punchable face reminding us that 2012 was the 100th anniversary of the Titanic disaster? More importantly, does he not hate Celine Dion as much as we do?

If nothing else, this little stunt proves, once again, that some people have far too much time and money on their hands. We would ask ourselves whether it will work or whether it “desecrates the memory” of those who died on the original ship, but we’re too amused by the ridiculous silent video below and some of the press-friendly Palmer’s more ridiculous comments.

He says he created the boat because “I want to spend the money I’ve got before I die. You might as well spend it, not leave it to the kids to spend, there will be enough left for them anyway”. He forgot to add “…since you’re a freaking billionaire, am I right?”

But see, the venture is all about “love”. The boat will not include any TVs or Internet access, so it will force passengers to spend five painfully awkward days with their significant others, reminding them why they love each other so very, very much. You’ll be just like Jack and Rose, see? And thanks to global warming, the icebergs are all to small to sink the ship anyway so no one will tragically drown or freeze to death. It’s great fun all around!