Vote for the fighter with the hard left hook

I’m just a plane ticket and some residency requirements shy of moving to Oregon and voting for Steve Novick after seeing this campaign ad of his. He appeals to a pretty wide selection of voters: Liberals will approve of most of his political and social views, classic-television enthusiasts will love his vocal resemblance to Paul Lynde, and his awesome claw hand will intrigue more pirates that any American politician since Jefferson. (He has used “The fighter with the hard left hook” and “Hooked on Novick” as campaign slogans.) It’s too bad he doesn’t live in Texas. I’d love to see him square off against John Manlove.

—Posted by David Kiefaber