Take cover! It’s The Big One

Snickers_1We just ran across one of these gigantic Snickers bars called “The Big One.” We won’t get all high and mighty and start in about childhood obesity and portion sizes and how, illegal or not, a candy bar that has 510 calories (210 from fat) and that we’ve heard described as “a brick” is, objectively speaking, pretty gross. Some people, in fact, love this thing—it’s described in this great review as “long, real long, and precious. Long tender feathers of chocolate laces softly drawn across the top. It’s a masterpiece, something Rodin would sculpt out of marble. I didn’t know if I should just stare at it in revere [sic] or eat it.”

Hmm. Instead we’re wondering just when—and why—they ditched the phrase “King Size” in favor of “The Big One.” Was “King Size” considered un-P.C.? (What about “Queen Size?”) Did it lose its luster in light of bad behavior by royals? Did “The Big One” win out because of its knock-you-over-the-head, kick-you-in-the-teeth sexual innuendo? Or because it panders to sheer laziness? (“What size do you want?” “I dunno. The big one.”).

Regardless, as the attacks on junk food escalate, look for a warning label on this sucker. It just feels dangerous.

—Posted by Tim Nudd