The perfect TV spot for Kiss fragrances

Kiss It’s not really our place to tell Avrett Free Ginsberg how to promote the fall launch of Gemini Cosmetics’ fragrance line inspired by the rock band Kiss. (The scents are “inspired” by Kiss. Consider that for a moment. OK, let’s move on.) Still, we’re hoping for some live footage featuring the group’s hyperbolic pitchman—er, frontman—Paul Stanley. As all card-carrying members of the Kiss Army know, the high point of most Kiss concerts (apart from that pungent smoke wafting through the hockey arena) is Stanley’s bombastic Long Island-accented stage banter. Many play Kiss Alive I and II just to savor clichéd but heartfelt quips such as “You’re hot tonight, [name of your town here]!” Anyway, we envision a Kiss fragrance spot going something like this: The band finishes a song, crowd goes wild, lights come up, and Paul saunters to the mike. PAUL: “Oh my gawwd, you are HOT to-night!” He wipes perspiration from his face, fans himself with his hand. “You’re so hot … and SWEATY … and man, do you smell BAD! You stink worse than any other city on this tour! Am I right, Cleve-laaand?!” Pan confused, chagrined faces. One guy with a “Destroyer” T-Shirt sniffs his armpits and hangs his head. PAUL: “But thasss alright! Thasss cool!” He takes some Kiss body spray from his pocket, gives himself a quick spritz, aims the nozzle at the crowd and douses the front row. “Oooh, ye-aaaah! Available at fine department stores in cities like … Cleve-laaand! Wooo-hooo!” The crowd erupts once more. Paul winks knowingly at Gene Simmons. “Now, let’s rock and roll all night … and par-ty ev-er-y day!” It writes itself. Just like the band’s songs.

—Posted by David Gianatasio