My night with Pat

PatbuchananWhen MSNBC called the other day to find an “expert” to appear on Monday’s Scarborough Country and talk about the usual—“Sex in advertising: HAS IT GONE TOO FAR?”—of course I said yes. When it comes to TV appearances, everyone at AdFreak is very easy—isn’t that how Donny Deutsch got started? Plus, I was intrigued by the guest host—one-time presidential contender and McLaughlin Group regular Pat Buchanan. Pat looked a bit different in the studio than he does while occupying the seat across from Eleanor Clift on McLaughlin: His hair seemed more orange under the MSNBC lights, and he wore some trendy, small metal specs to help with the heavy teleprompter reading. Even though I knew his politics to be slightly to the right of (well, let’s not go there), I found Pat kind of sweet, actually.

The trouble began, however, when the producers dragged out the 2-year-old Miller Beer cement wrestler spot as proof of the end of civilization. Little did I know that in the course of being one of four shrieking, overly made-up harridans Brady-bunched on the screen (two liberal and two conservative, none being Ann Coulter), I’d be boxed into doing a verbal form of cement wrestling, sans implants.

As bad as that was, the oddest moment came at the end, when the producers made Pat introduce an item about a sex column that had appeared that day in New York magazine—an issue facing the nation, no doubt, about married men who had “naked fingers”—i.e., who refuse to wear wedding rings so they can more readily bed down chicks. Pat foamed at the mouth about these “idiot” women who allow their husbands to do this; later on, he admitted that though he’s been married for 35 years, he himself has never worn a wedding ring, because “I don’t like jewelry” and “it gets in the way of typing.”

“That’s exactly the excuse the men in the piece gave for not wearing a wedding band, Pat,” I felt it was my moral duty to point out. “Maybe you should have a conversation with your wife.”

Pat laughed, and moved on to the next segment—about why the world has gotten so de-Christianized. Tastes great! Less filling!

—Posted by Barbara Lippert