Literary Audi Dealer’s Used-Car Ads Read Like Short Stories

Z. Szymanski, Internet manager at an Audi dealership in Mohegan Lake, N.Y., isn't your everyday used-car salesman. He's a literary sensation waiting to be discovered. Well, maybe not quite—but he and his colleagues have been making a habit of sneaking quirky short stories (always with a soft sales pitch) into the "Seller's Comments" section of their classified ads on Check out this except from a recent ad (all misspellings sic):

     >> "What really frosts me is that when this S-6 landed… with adaptive cruise, lane assist, nav, tech, heated rear seats, carbon fiber everything, I begged Mr. Barry, our esteemed dealer principal to let me drive it home. 'NO WAY, Mr.Barry roared, don't want anymore miles.' But now I find that Burman is driving this incredible machine to F. Ben Radzyner the 2nd's wedding next week and is chauffeuring the priest who is perfoming the wedding at St. Mary's. I hate Radzyner after he got the top marketing job here and now Burman get's to drive MY car to F. Ben's wedding to the socialite Rosemarie Cass. PLEASE…" >>

     Jalopnik reprinted some other ads and calls the writing "Vonnegutesque." Yes, Kurt sold Saabs before finding fame as a novelist, but this stuff is more like Kerouac: high-impact stream-of-consciousness bursts laced with hard-won insights and in-your-face irony. By chronicling lost souls desperately seeking life's deeper meaning on the road, Kerouac captured the zeitgeist of his generation. By goofing on co-workers in digital media while trying to move a few more coups off the lot, the scribes of Mohegan Lake Motors Audi present an entertaining and in some ways equally disturbing précis of contemporary capitalist malaise. Anyway, they've sold more used Audis than Kerouac ever did.