If you need the Body Snake, you need help

The phrase “Body Snake” brings to mind all sorts of perverse imagery, but never fear—it’s just a goofy sponge for people who are too fat and stupid to clean themselves. According to this infomercial, it eliminates stumbling and fumbling (and outright falling down) in the shower and is proudly made in America—as if any other people on earth would need a product like this. Seriously, if areas beyond your reach include your “bottom” and “between your legs,” you need NutriSystem before any newfangled sponges.