How on earth is Pluto not a planet?

Pluto
Pluto’s not a planet anymore?
When did that happen? And why? Some mumbo jumbo about its “oblong orbit.” So, it’s a celestial free spirit that plays by its own rules—is that so wrong? I don’t recall Neptune complaining. I learned in school that there were nine planets. It was public school, and I was out sick a lot, but nine was the number. If I ever go on Jeopardy! and the number of planets comes up, I’m going to say, “What is nine, Alex.” It’s so easy to remember: “Nine is fine.” “Nine’s divine.” Now I’ve got to think up words that rhyme with “eight.” By the way, does Mr. Trebek qualify as a planet? He meets at least two of the revamped criteria. He circles the sun, and he “clears the neighborhood around [his] orbit,” at least in terms of game-show ratings. Worst of all: Pluto’s been reclassified as a “dwarf planet.” So Disney still wins.

—Posted by David Gianatasio