Homeland Security official says Rozerem’s beaver poses no great threat to U.S.

We don’t get a huge amount of mail from the Department of Homeland Security. However, we did just get a quick note from an official there urging us not to be afraid of the beaver in the Rozerem commercials. As you may know, we have been afraid of the beaver for some time. However, this e-mail put our minds at ease. “Don’t overintellectualize the beaver!!!” the e-mailer writes. “It eats bacon – It plays chess. He misses his friend Average Joe who has insomnia, but if he takes his pill, he’ll be back with honest Abe in no time. Honest Abe, by the way, is probably just the arbiter of the chess game. The essence of the beaver is threefold: It is a beaver. It eats bacon. It plays chess. Dreamworld is supposed to be surreal. This is surreal in a non threatening way. The latest ads show Abe and the Beav holding a jumprope. Same theme. Take the pill and you too can get back to playing chess and jumping rope with your beaver.” There you have it: The beaver is nonthreatening. Though the e-mailer apparently isn’t writing to us on official DHS business, we will alert you if the beaver’s threat level changes in the coming days.

—Posted by Tim Nudd