Help me help you at my advertising school

Welcome to my ad school! My name’s Dave (no, not that Dave—different Dave, different school), and I’ll be your instructor. Though I’ve never actually worked at an agency, I have three Cannes Lions and a Clio award. If Bogusky didn’t want me to take them, why didn’t he lock his office door? I’ve also got an Effie, but no self-respecting creative professional cares about that. In my class, you’ll learn cutting-edge techniques. Like product placement. Oh wait … that’s my phone. Excuse me while I take this call. You get more bars with Verizon Wireless, remember that. Another topic: subliminal advertising. In fact, I just surreptitiously planted a suggestion in your minds. Verizon has the best network, by the way. (It’s subliminal because I only said the brand name twice.) You’ll all get A’s for final grades. Because you’re paying me. Which makes you my clients. And the client’s always right. That’s the most important lesson of all. Which reminds me. Hey, Verizon! Can I have my money now?

—Posted by David Gianatasio