George Clooney Celebrates 50 by Doing Lame Italian Ad

Is reluctant ad star George Clooney's latest commercial for Italian telecom Fastweb as witless and egomaniacal as his earlier efforts for the firm? Yes, it is. Why is the sweaty, bald jogger whom Clooney inadvertently shoves into a lamppost actually pretty lucky? Because he gets to miss a few seconds of George's "comedic acting" and "Italian accent" while he's stunned on the ground. Is my use of quotation marks intended as a derogatory comment on the aging Hollywood hunk's smug, smiley, self-serving performance? Indeed it is. (Might as well put "performance" in quotes as well.) Do I feel comfortable writing a negative critique of the spot even though I don't speak Italian? Oui. Would I switch places in a heartbeat with the Cloonster, who just turned 50 last Friday, and use my greying good lucks and fame to snag a few extra million making crappy ads while dating an Italian hottie 18 years younger than me? Goodness, no. My trophy girlfriend wouldn't be more than half my age at most. I'm a way bigger pig than Cloones, and that's the way I roll.