Flaming man on a gas tank. Great idea.

I don’t watch movies. I’m offended by implausible plots, trite conversations, melodramatic music, and the crass commercialization of it all. I’ve seen maybe 20 movies my entire life and I wouldn’t recognize any of the industry’s biggest stars if they introduced themselves to me. It’s a stubborn, even eccentric, behavior, I know. But, every time I think I should reconsider, Hollywood does something so condescending that I feel vindicated. The most recent offense? A toy ATV with the Human Torch riding it from the new movie Fantastic Four. It was named, by the writer of this story in the Portland (Ore.) Mercury, as “the worst movie tie-in toy ever” and rightly so. It points out the following: that the Human Torch can fly. Even I know that. Then it questions the safety of a flaming man sitting on top of a gas tank. Good point. I understand that movie audiences agree to suspend disbelief when they enter a theater. It is essential to enjoying the show. But it is just arrogant for Hollywood to assume we all live in such a state of mind when they are peddling cheap paraphernalia from their movies.