Oh, hey there, ladies. Feeling fat? Of course you are. Don't worry. I've got some advice. Don't get sugary, fattening soda from that fat, tubby vending machine over there. Get delicious, trimming diet soda from from me! The Slender Vender. I'm so skinny, I fit between chairs at the hair salon, so you can be thin, but pretty too. I fit between treadmills at the gym, so you can drink more diet soda—it hydrates!—while you're working hard, so you can be more thin, like me.