Buy my book. You probably won’t regret it.

Well, despite the tortuous grind here at AdFreak (it’s a brutal 100 words a day, phew!), I’ve managed to write another book in my spare time. It’s available for pre-order at It’s a work of staggering brilliance—at least, my mom thinks it is. And as long as you’re not one of the six people who bought my first book, you shouldn’t be inordinately prejudiced against the new one. The reviews have all been raves. OK, there’s just one rave so far, but that makes one more than last time! If sales are brisk, I’ll get to do readings in bookstores. (I’ll be reading from the works of A.M. Homes, naturally.) If you don’t buy my book, I’ll be forced to read the entire manuscript into your voicemail in a high squeaky voice. Which is my real voice, by the way, and extremely annoying. Consider: If I am actually J.K. Rowling writing under a pseudonym, this book could be immensely valuable in the future. Can you afford not take that chance? (And don’t tell me in the comments that "Yes, I can afford not to take that chance." Where’s your book? Jerks.)

—Posted by David Gianatasio