You know when you try to find a brand on Twitter, and you just assume the handle will be the brand name? Well, not so fast.
A surprising number of brand-name handles aren't run by the brands at all. They're run by real people who got there first. We've highlighted a few of them below. Since they're not otherwise posing as the brand, they are not subject to Twitter's trademark policy.
Though the brands surely aren't too happy about it.
Name: Chip Clark
Bio: They have the Internet on computers, now? —Homer Simpson
Joined: March 2007
Brand account: @ChipotleTweets
Joined: May 2010
Meet Chip Clark, who judging by his bio, is more into the Simpsons than burrito bowls. But wait, he's done his share of Mexican cooking!
I made some chicken enchiladas with some homemade refrieds. Holy moly me oh my!
— Chip Clark (@Chipotle) September 12, 2010
Name: mama advil
Bio: terrible model & actor … NOT advil the medicine, it's my name
Joined April 2008
Brand account: @advilrelief
Here's "mama advil," who coincidentally shares his name with the popular headache relief medicine. Advil's hobbies include fashion and One Direction.
I can never tell anyone that I have a headache bc pic.twitter.com/rJaIMZUAoF
— mama advil (@Advil) July 19, 2014
Bio: Master procrastinator
Joined: March 2007
Brand account: @ABSOLUTvodka
Joined: April 2011
Toronto resident "Yvonne" likes to critique Canadian politics and Apple product announcements. According to her bio, Yvonne has perfected waiting until the last minute.
@Ferbil07 what? It's not for sale.
— Yvonne (@absolut) January 19, 2012
Name: Ben T.
Bio: Things. That's what I do; and I'll keep doing it. I think you want to yell at @tridentgum next time, I'm just a person.
Joined March 2007
Brand account: @tridentgum
Joined July 2010
Here's "Ben T," who is persistent in his pursuit of doing things. In his spare time, Ben enjoys retweeting messages intended for the famous sugar-free gum but instead were sent to him, because he has the handle they probably wanted. He also enjoys tweeting about the weather and the music he listens to.
— Ben T (@trident) January 5, 2013
I went through some old ones … let me know how you feel about brand name chewing gum and I'll be sure the right people don't see it.
— Ben T (@trident) October 10, 2013
Bio: Art Nerd, City Cyclist, Urban Crawler, Fun Finder
Joined November 2006
Brand account: @LEGO_Group
Joined May 2011
"Lego" hasn't tweeted much, but when he does, he mostly tweets about bikes. His first tweet was:
home, morning stuff
— Lego (@Lego) July 30, 2007
He also enjoys dessert and women's fashion:
Mango sorbet is on the menu in response to the warm weather and Hillary's pantsuit!
— Lego (@Lego) August 27, 2008
Bio: Just call me Kraft. Work at @Automattic/@Jetpack, husband of @LaLuped, father, & Catholic, doing the best to be good at all. (FYI- Not @KraftFoods)
Joined October 2007
Brand account: @kraftfoods
Joined September 2009
This guy is one of the more prolific of the pseudo-brand tweeters. He relishes in participating in banter referencing his namesake. In his spare time, he enjoys craft beer. GET IT?!
Apparently, #FoodDeservesDelicious is a big hashtag today. People are telling me all about their usage of ranch dressing.
— Kraft (@Kraft) June 24, 2014
I'm eating cheesy scrambled eggs for breakfast. Why? I have a fridge full of @kraftcheese and I can.
— Kraft (@Kraft) April 12, 2014
— Kraft (@Kraft) January 23, 2014
Name: Richard Lindsey
Bio: Core Services Senior FEE Architect at The Advisory Board Company.
Joined July 2008
Brand account: @eatliquidgold
Joined April 2011
Richard Lindsey isn't just any old Core Services Senior FEE Architect. He's the proud owner of the cheesiest, meltiest Twitter handle. He really loves code, and tweets about it often.
This @EatLiquidGold shortage has turned me into a Twitter villain. I feel like I should be tweaking the corners of my mustache and laughing.
— Richard Lindsey (@Velveeta) January 8, 2014
— Richard Lindsey (@Velveeta) October 26, 2013
Bio: Just some nerdy rugger queer gym dude with a beard in the desert. Also a #SecretGinger
Joined: August 2008
Brand Account: @honeymaidsnacks
Unlike most people with brand-name Twitter accounts, Graham is physically fit. Dude's feed is mostly about working out or flexing. According to his account, he's checked in at Gold's Gym at least 85 times.
Just in case you people aren't aware, I'm not a profile for graham crackers, leave me alone and quit taggin me.
— Graham (@Honeymaid) March 24, 2014
Joined August 2008
And then there's "johnniewalker," a random Scottish man who lives in NYC. He once gave a TED talk about Scotland.
thinks japanese whisky has aways to go before it matches scottish whisky….
— johnniewalker (@johnniewalker) October 29, 2008
Great. Scotland is now known for whisky, oil, men in skirts, and … a daft attempt at international compassion. Wonderful.
— johnniewalker (@johnniewalker) August 21, 2009
Name: Jack Daniels
Bio: Doré comme de l'alcool mais ce n'est pas de l'alcool, et c'est pour ça qu'il désaltère. A consommer sans modération (Google translation: "Gilded like alcohol but not alcohol, and that's why it quenches. To consume without moderation")
Joined: April 2007
Joined: September 2010
"Jack Daniels" tweets mostly in French, annoying Tennesseans everywhere. He enjoys tweeting inspirational quotes and cartoons. (Interestingly, @jackdaniel, which Jack Daniel's might also have coveted, is also run by a regular guy. He tweets mostly in Italian, though.)
Je sais, c'est mal… mais j'ai pas pu resister pic.twitter.com/ZrGeDFiU
— Jack Daniels (@jackdaniels) June 1, 2012
Bio: Despite the handle, not a cracker now available in a multitude of flavours. #Nabisco, please ask if you want to negotiate
Joined: March 2008
Brand Account: @TheRealTriscuit
Joined: March 2011
This isn't just your ordinary cracker, it's "triscuit." This little bird is trying to convince Nabisco to purchase the handle, but it seems to still be in the possession of the original owner. Note to owner: I am interested in this handle.
My only followers are people who think I'm the cracker (available in many new flaviurs!) and about 5 friends
— triscuit (@triscuit) September 30, 2013
— triscuit (@triscuit) April 10, 2014
— triscuit (@triscuit) August 14, 2014
Name: Daniel Hanold
Bio: Geeky New Yorker. Drupal Enthusiast. Mobile Titanium Developer. Electronic Music Fan. Framework Lover.
Joined: July 2007
Brand account: @HaagenDasz_US
Joined: June 2012
Finally, here is "Daniel Hanold," New York resident and proud owner of @HaagenDazs. He has more of a taste for Apple products than ice cream, though. His handle choice seems rather arbitrary.
Deleting my OTHER twitter account. Haagendazs it is.
— Daniel Hanold (@haagendazs) October 25, 2008