Trailer Mash

Our weekly review of opening movies based solely on their previews

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The trailer for Battleship—or "Rihanna Movie," as YouTube helpfully co-titles it—is the event horizon of the black hole of super-vacuity that exists within the black hole of stupidity that most movie trailers already inhabit. Watching it is like spectating Buzkashi, the Afghan version of polo played with a headless goat carcass rather than a ball.

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